Let me set the scene: Ben is playing with a ball (emphasis on A BALL...we have at least 30 more rolling around this house). Brayden comes over and takes said ball. Ben screams. I look up and give Brayden the look that says "give it back, you took it from him. Why would you make him scream?" He throws the ball at Ben and it bounces off his head. Ben cries. Brayden gets sent to his room. Meanwhile, Levi finds the ball and happily takes it. Ben takes notice and trys to take the ball back. Levi bites Ben. Ben pushes Levi. Levi hits Ben and runs away. Mama takes the ball and throws it in the kitchen, locks the baby gate and says (somewhat loudly) "no one gets the ball. Find your shoes, it's time for church". [not my best moment].
Then I said it, well, texted it. 4 words....MAMA NEEDS A BREAK.
Donald is use to getting frantic texts from me on Sunday morning. He calmly replies. "I can do that." (I love that man.)
We get out the door, coffee in hand, and head to church. It wasn't until they were all strapped in and we were driving down the road that it hit me.
I wanted a break. I couldn't believe I had said it. I felt horrible. I felt guilty.
I shouldn't need a break. But I needed one. From the yelling, fighting, hitting. From them.
I have CHOSEN this job, stay-at-home-mom. I've begged my husband since April 2013 when I had to leave a 6 week old and go back to teaching. I WANT this job, it's been a dream come true. I love spending my days just being a mama. Being their mama. But I wanted nothing more then to be away from them.
We get into the building and everyone to their classes. No one cried and they didn't have to peel anyone off of me. They happily went.
I realized something as they skipped away. Satan has planted a nasty seed inside of me. A seed that has begun to grow. A seed that has told me a little lie. I can do this on my own. I am a super mom that doesn't need a break and everyday is just wonderful.
That seed has begun to grow because I have allowed it enter into my heart. I have believed that lie. We are like that; we allow Satan to figure us out and then he uses it against us. But God has so much more for us than that. He wants us to rest in Him, to rest in His TRUTHS.
Here's the bottom line- I can't do it on my own and every once in a while, I need a break. And that's okay because motherhood is hard.
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